i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
