I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
