God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
