Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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