I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My day in three words: secret purse cake
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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