i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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