then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
