I got chris browned last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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