How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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