It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I am available for nakedness
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
