every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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