my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
