3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
