Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
