I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
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Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
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she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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