I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
