Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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