im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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