dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
