It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and she was petting her beer can
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
