OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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