$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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