I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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