And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
