We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
