I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
