What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
