I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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