You really coming over, don't trick.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
