well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
