What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
