Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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