When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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