Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
