you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
