At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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