I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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