its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
