his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
