i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
