i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
