yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize