She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she looked like the before picture.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
