I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
