Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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