Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
