Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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