He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
