C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
