you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
