Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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