Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?