I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me