Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
