For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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