Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you had me at cake vodka
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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