I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
