I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
