it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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