Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
