Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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