so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
