what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
