Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
