Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sext me about skeletons
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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