I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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