thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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