I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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