oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
