SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
