Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
