Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
