Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
