PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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