She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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