I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
