i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
