The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
