I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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