I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
