shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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