I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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