Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize