Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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