I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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