i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
