first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
