Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He passed out mid-signature
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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