just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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